1 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,046 Yo, ted, laura. 2 00:00:12,113 --> 00:00:13,281 What's up? Hi, waldo. 3 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,882 Are you an usher here? 4 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:16,317 Yep. 5 00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:17,751 I thought you worked with 6 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,187 The ground crew At the airport. 7 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:22,256 I did, but they fired me when I directed a jumbo jet 8 00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:23,524 Into the luggage carousel. 9 00:00:27,095 --> 00:00:29,029 Wait here. 10 00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,950 Now, remember-- 11 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,120 In the unlikely event Of a water landing, 12 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,655 Your cushion may be used As a flotation device. 13 00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,258 Thanks, waldo. 14 00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:58,626 No problem, laura. 15 00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,431 Excuse me. 16 00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,503 Wow! 17 00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,571 This is fantastic. 18 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:13,307 Yeah. C and c music factory live. 19 00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:16,177 No, I mean us-- You and me 20 00:01:16,244 --> 00:01:18,679 And no steve urkel. 21 00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:21,349 You mean No steve urkel yet. 22 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,284 He's followed us On every date. 23 00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:24,852 He just Won't give up. 24 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,120 You know what we need? 25 00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:28,189 An urkel-size roach motel. 26 00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:33,327 Hey, what about introducing Him to another girl? 27 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:37,298 Get real, ted, who would be Willing to go out with urkel? 28 00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:39,700 My cousin myra might Want to meet him. 29 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:41,034 Really? 30 00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,471 What's wrong with her? 31 00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:46,574 Nothing. She's just Attracted to brainy guys. 32 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,109 Well, that sounds good, But there's one problem. 33 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,644 Steve is obsessed With me. 34 00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:09,363 Yo, man. 35 00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,165 Dock them boats, man. 36 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,901 Don't worry, be happy. 37 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,703 Everything Gonna be alright. 38 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:19,873 Hey, man. 39 00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:23,110 You used to drive A blue toyota, man? 40 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,746 Yeah, what do You mean "Used to"? 41 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:27,215 It's on fire, man. 42 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,498 * it's a rare condition * 43 00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,334 * in this day and age * 44 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,437 * to read any good news On the newspaper page * 45 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,906 * and love and tradition Of the grand design * 46 00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:57,911 * some people say Is even harder to find * 47 00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:01,014 * well, then, there must be Some magic clue * 48 00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:05,018 * inside these gentle walls * 49 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:08,722 * 'cause all I see Is a tower of dreams * 50 00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:12,693 * real love burstin' Out of every seam * 51 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,564 * as days go by * 52 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:20,934 * it's the bigger love Of the family ** 53 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,814 Oh, pretty lady, 54 00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,284 Dump the pretty boy, And we be jammin'. 55 00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:39,186 Steve, that's enough! 56 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,421 Ow! 57 00:03:40,488 --> 00:03:42,523 That was bobby-pinned. 58 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:45,726 Urkel! 59 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,495 Wha--oh! 60 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,564 My car was not on fire. 61 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:54,768 Go home, urkel. 62 00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:56,036 I paid for my seat. 63 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,271 I said, go home. 64 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:58,639 Calm down. 65 00:03:58,706 --> 00:03:59,707 Go home! 66 00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:00,741 Go home! 67 00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,009 Go home! 68 00:04:06,647 --> 00:04:09,049 I don't have To take this. 69 00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:10,418 I'm going home. 70 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,621 My dreadlocks, If you please. 71 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:15,723 Hmm. 72 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:33,307 Bill, bill, bill. 73 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:34,575 Hey, judy. 74 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:35,476 Hi. 75 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,011 What's the matter, Sweetheart? 76 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,246 I'm dead meat. 77 00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:40,548 You remember mom's dress 78 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,483 With all the sparkly Things on it? 79 00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:44,051 You mean sequins. 80 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,252 Yeah. 81 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:47,087 Well, I sort of Tried it on, 82 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:48,589 I sort of Got it dirty, 83 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,224 And I sort of put it In the washing machine. 84 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,827 Uh-oh. Was it damaged? 85 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:06,507 Well, don't worry, Sweetheart. 86 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,175 The next time we go out, 87 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:10,411 We'll just glue these On to your mother. 88 00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,114 Daddy, Mom will kill me. 89 00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:17,284 Well, take it easy, Sweetheart. I'll tell you what, 90 00:05:17,351 --> 00:05:19,520 Wait till your mama's In a real good mood, 91 00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,789 Then I'll Explain things to her. 92 00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,323 You're the best. 93 00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,561 Hey, dad, 94 00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,096 Can I borrow 20 bucks? 95 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,364 20 bucks? 96 00:05:30,431 --> 00:05:33,634 Edward, do you see This stack of envelopes? 97 00:05:33,701 --> 00:05:35,803 This is not Fan mail, son. 98 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:36,870 These are bills. 99 00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:39,707 How about 15? 100 00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:44,277 Edward, Do you see this bill? 101 00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,279 It's from the land Of lincoln casualty-- 102 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,550 $400 for your Car insurance. 103 00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:52,219 Whoa! Hey, That's a lot of money. 104 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,286 You said it. 105 00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,122 I wouldn't pay it. 106 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,824 Uh, edward, 107 00:05:56,890 --> 00:06:00,661 You're always complaining How I treat you like a kid. 108 00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:04,097 I'm going to give you some Real adult responsibility. 109 00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:08,168 From now on,you're going To start paying part Of your car insurance. 110 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,202 But, dad-- 111 00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,438 No buts. 112 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,706 The quarterly premium Is $400. 113 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,042 You'll pay 1/4 of that amount 114 00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,143 Out of your paycheck. 115 00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:19,580 But that's 60 bucks. 116 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,050 100. Nice try, son. 117 00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,686 Do you know how many times I'll have to say, 118 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,921 "How about some mustard On that mighty weenie" 119 00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,022 To make 100 bucks? 120 00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,092 No, but, keep track. 121 00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:35,829 The guys at the precinct love Interesting facts like that. 122 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,831 Oh, sure, mock me, 123 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,000 But let me tell you Something, dad 124 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:43,036 I didn't get This part-time job To be responsible. 125 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,705 I got it To impress chicks. 126 00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:10,063 Laura, my pet? 127 00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:11,364 Thanks for coming, Steve. 128 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:12,766 Oh, sorry, I'm tardy. 129 00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,802 But, I just got back From the optometrist. 130 00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,369 He dilated The old peepers, 131 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,138 So things are A little foggy. 132 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,480 Is that a new hairdo? 133 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,852 Steve, I'm over here. 134 00:07:31,919 --> 00:07:33,086 Ah! 135 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:36,824 So, 136 00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,692 What's on your Gorgeous mind? 137 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:42,930 Oh! 138 00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,899 I have tickets To the dave koz concert. 139 00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:47,134 I want you to go-- 140 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,236 Oh, yes, yes, yes! 141 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:54,575 A thousand times, yes! 142 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:58,011 Why, this is the greatest Day of my life! 143 00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,848 Well, ted's coming, too. 144 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,783 Oh. 145 00:08:02,850 --> 00:08:05,418 Well, ordinarily Three's a crowd, but-- 146 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,855 It's not just The three of us. 147 00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,090 Ted's bringing His cousin myra. 148 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,424 Oh? 149 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:14,695 Well, in some mountainous Regions of the country, 150 00:08:14,762 --> 00:08:16,296 That sort of thing Is acceptable, 151 00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:20,500 But here in the city We have regulations. We have protocol. 152 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,502 Uh, steve... 153 00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:26,774 Oh, darling, What difference Does it make 154 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,777 If two or a thousand People tag along 155 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,580 As long as we're together? 156 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,482 Laura? 157 00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:36,984 Have you been eating? 158 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,055 Why, you're nothing But skin and bones. 159 00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:46,894 Oh! 160 00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,396 Listen, It's a double date. 161 00:08:49,462 --> 00:08:50,564 I'll be with ted. 162 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:51,599 You'll be with myra. 163 00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,166 Ted told her All about you, 164 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,936 And despite that, She's looking forward To meeting you. 165 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:58,839 Wait a minute. 166 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,708 This is A transparent attempt 167 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,810 To pawn me off On another woman. 168 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,713 It ain't going to work, Never in a million years. 169 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,381 Please, stevie? 170 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,750 Okay. 171 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,188 Ooh, she touched me. 172 00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,030 [doorbell rings] 173 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:32,105 And these are for you, Sweetums, 174 00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,307 And, uh, these are For what's-her-name. 175 00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,345 Her name is myra. 176 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,814 Yeah, well, you better write it On your face, 177 00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:43,951 'cause that's where I'll Be looking all night. 178 00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,754 Steve, give her a chance. You might even like her. 179 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:50,090 Hah! I'd be Very surprised indeed. 180 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,093 [doorbell rings] 181 00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:56,063 Hi. 182 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,935 Arrgh. 183 00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:06,306 Myra, this is laura. 184 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,808 Nice to meet you. Hello. 185 00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:09,509 And this is your date, steve. 186 00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,511 Hello, steve. Hello. 187 00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:14,547 I'm sure you're aware Myra was a seaport 188 00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:15,816 In ancient lycia. 189 00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:18,051 Oh, yes, And I'm sure That you're aware 190 00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,288 That steve Derives from The greek stefanos, 191 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,622 I.E. Crown. 192 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,860 But of course. 193 00:10:28,896 --> 00:10:31,231 And these are por vous. 194 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,333 Oh, they're beautiful. 195 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,202 I just love ranunculus, 196 00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:39,072 And look At these lovely Catananchi serulia. 197 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,808 What? 198 00:10:41,942 --> 00:10:43,610 Buttercups And cupid's dart. 199 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:44,945 Read a book! 200 00:10:48,682 --> 00:10:50,450 Uh, come on, guys. We better get going. 201 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:53,687 Apres vous, my little Ancient seaport. 202 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,689 Merci, My handsome stefanos. 203 00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:56,957 Hee hee hee! 204 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,058 [snort] 205 00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,263 What a cute little snort. 206 00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:04,698 Oh! 207 00:11:16,543 --> 00:11:17,811 Yes! Yes! 208 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:28,255 Hey, honey, what's up? 209 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,090 What ought to be up? 210 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:33,927 But the good news is, richie has Volunteered to skip his bath. 211 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:37,731 Now, there's a team player. 212 00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,133 Wait a minute. 213 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,669 Are you paying edward's Share of his car insurance? 214 00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,372 Yeah. He met this girl And took her to dinner. 215 00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:48,008 Don't worry, He promised to pay me back. 216 00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,142 Uh-huh. 217 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:53,380 Always coddling That kid. 218 00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:56,483 Carl, are you saying That I'm coddling eddie? 219 00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,718 Well, since You brought it up... 220 00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:00,253 Carl, I'm simply helping him. 221 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,990 Harriette, That is not helping him. 222 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,092 Edward needs To learn responsibility. 223 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:08,395 How's he gonna do that if You let him off the hook? 224 00:12:08,461 --> 00:12:09,429 Calm down. 225 00:12:09,496 --> 00:12:10,730 I won't calm down. 226 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,365 I mean, this is very important. 227 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,336 Carl, 228 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,737 Let me get this straight. 229 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,239 If our kids screw up, 230 00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,274 We should just let them Take their lumps? 231 00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,476 Absolutely. How else Are they gonna learn? 232 00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:24,845 No exceptions? No exceptions. 233 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:27,614 Why are you Covering for judy? Say what? 234 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,716 You said my sequined gown 235 00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:31,184 Was mixed up In the laundry. 236 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:35,188 What you didn't tell me Was judy ruined it. 237 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,225 Me helping judy is totally Different from you Helping eddie. 238 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,427 Oh? How? 239 00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,563 You weren't supposed To find out about judy. 240 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,698 Carl, our daughter Has a conscience. 241 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:48,068 She confessed The whole thing. 242 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,436 I see. 243 00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:52,739 Well, I'm going to have To have a talk with her, 244 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:54,908 Stamp out That pesky honest streak. 245 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,545 Carl, let's face it. 246 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:02,549 Edward has always Been able to get away With anything with me, 247 00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:05,886 And laura and judy Have you wrapped Around their fingers. 248 00:13:05,953 --> 00:13:08,655 I guess, that's true. 249 00:13:08,721 --> 00:13:10,557 Whenever I put my foot down, 250 00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:13,526 They bat their pretty little Eyes, and I crumble. 251 00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,795 That's okay, honey. 252 00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,630 Our children need To learn responsibility. 253 00:13:17,697 --> 00:13:21,334 They also Need to know that We're there to help. 254 00:13:21,401 --> 00:13:22,702 You know something? 255 00:13:22,769 --> 00:13:25,805 You are a very wise woman, Mrs. Winslow. 256 00:13:25,873 --> 00:13:27,941 Why, thank you, Mr. Winslow. 257 00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,910 I think we make a great team. 258 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,344 I foul everything up, 259 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,080 And you straighten Everything out. 260 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,516 You're being little Hard on yourself. 261 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:38,218 I mess up sometimes, Too. 262 00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:39,419 Oh? 263 00:13:39,486 --> 00:13:41,288 Well, I can't think Of any examples, 264 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,556 But I'm sure it's Bound to happen someday. 265 00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,604 These are Great seats. 266 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,606 Well, ted Got the tickets. 267 00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:03,476 No, they're great Because I'm sitting Next to you. 268 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,016 [announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, 269 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:14,087 Wjgz radio and The chicago concert series Are proud to present 270 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:17,657 The sultan Of the sensuous saxophone-- 271 00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,426 Dave koz! 272 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,039 [saxophone plays] 273 00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,974 Laura, you look Fabulous tonight. 274 00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,311 Oh, puh-lease. 275 00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:41,548 Laura's too smart To fall for that Trite bait. 276 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,952 Oh, ted, You're so sweet. 277 00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:54,127 Uh-oh. I hope she doesn't Notice that huge zit Behind my ear. 278 00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,000 That's a nice tie. 279 00:15:00,067 --> 00:15:02,702 Oh, thanks. It's a clip-on. 280 00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,637 Oh, why did I say that? 281 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:09,109 Would it have been a crime to Let her think I could tie my Own tie? 282 00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:17,417 Ew! I wonder If laura's noticed Ted's humongous zit. 283 00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:23,923 Let's see. If ivana trump Married neil diamond, 284 00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,126 She'd be ivana diamond. 285 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,001 Do you mind? 286 00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:36,303 Oh, not at all. 287 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,106 Uh-oh. Ted almost Caught me staring At his zit. 288 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:47,580 Oh, I wish steve Would put his arm Around me. 289 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:52,119 Hmm, maybe I Can give him some Encouragement. 290 00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:57,124 Oh, my god. Did I use deodorant? 291 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:04,031 Yes, fresh As a pine forest. 292 00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:07,534 I wonder if I should Put my arm around The little vixen. 293 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,005 Oh, go for it, You studster. 294 00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:21,981 Yes! Touchdown! 295 00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,885 I really like him. 296 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,287 She really likes me. 297 00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:30,290 She really likes him. 298 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,459 She really likes him? 299 00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:38,565 Now, if ivana divorced Neil diamond and married Jack nicklaus, 300 00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,068 She'd be ivana Diamond nicklaus. 301 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:49,709 Laura, isn't this romantic? 302 00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:51,044 It sure is. 303 00:16:57,817 --> 00:16:59,486 Myra... 304 00:17:00,253 --> 00:17:02,489 Isn't this romantic? 305 00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,291 It sure is. 306 00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:20,340 Oh! Oh! 307 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,113 Stop the music! 308 00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:27,480 Stop the music! 309 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,249 Stop the music! 310 00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:32,652 [music stops] 311 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,053 Steve, what are you doing? 312 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,189 I'll tell you What I'm doing. 313 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,291 I, steven q. Urkel, 314 00:17:38,358 --> 00:17:41,194 Am guilty Of emotional adultery. 315 00:17:41,261 --> 00:17:42,429 Ohh! Ooh! Ohh! 316 00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:50,303 Ever since kindergarten, 317 00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:54,241 I've loved one girl And one girl only-- 318 00:17:54,307 --> 00:17:57,144 The lovely laura winslow. 319 00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,946 Stand up, laura. Take a bow. 320 00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:01,214 Well, come on. 321 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:04,184 Stand up and show That funky bod. 322 00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:11,224 Is this a raving beauty Or what, huh? 323 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,801 In a perfect world, 324 00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,604 Laura and I Would be a couple, 325 00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,474 An item, a pair, 326 00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:28,741 But alas, 327 00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:31,244 It's not A perfect world, 328 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,480 And laura's here With another man. 329 00:18:36,183 --> 00:18:37,717 Oh, stand up, Pretty boy. 330 00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:44,056 Ted's an okay guy, 331 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:46,593 But he's got two things I don't have-- 332 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:47,594 My woman 333 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,862 And a humongous zit Behind his ear. 334 00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,271 Dave koz, Ladies and gentlemen! 335 00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,740 Dave koz. 336 00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:09,081 Hey, you, could you Wrap this up already? 337 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,717 I'm trying to Give a concert. 338 00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,885 Oh, hang tight, davie. 339 00:19:12,952 --> 00:19:15,054 Folks, laura and ted 340 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:18,991 Arranged for me to date This lovely, intelligent Girl right here. 341 00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,893 Stand up, myra. Take a bow. 342 00:19:30,102 --> 00:19:31,271 Park it. 343 00:19:33,873 --> 00:19:37,510 She's a delightful, Sweet young lady, 344 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,146 But enchanting Though she is, 345 00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:42,249 My heart will always And forever 346 00:19:42,315 --> 00:19:44,751 Belong To the lovely laura. 347 00:19:50,122 --> 00:19:51,991 Laura lee winslow, 348 00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,593 The girl with the smile 349 00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,695 That can light The darkest corners 350 00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:56,796 Of my heart... 351 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,736 Her lovely eyes sparkle 352 00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,573 With the eternal promise Of happy tomorrows. 353 00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:14,847 Her ripe, full lips 354 00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,350 Could kiss away all The sorrows and worries 355 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:18,618 Of my weary soul. 356 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,090 Tonight I was tempted 357 00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,125 By the effervescent Personality 358 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:29,596 And bodacious bod Of another. 359 00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,764 By god, I nearly succumbed, 360 00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,600 But I hereby declare, 361 00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:36,503 And all of you Are my witnesses, 362 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:39,238 That I shall never, Ever stray. 363 00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:40,540 Nay, I say. 364 00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,310 Instead, I shall Redouble my efforts 365 00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:44,944 To win laura's heart. 366 00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,680 I shall pursue her Relentlessly 367 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:51,651 Until I hear those Three magical words 368 00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:55,522 I have waited My entire life to hear-- 369 00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:56,556 "I... 370 00:20:56,623 --> 00:20:58,558 Give up." 371 00:21:26,185 --> 00:21:30,590 I wonder if I'd have the guts To make a speech like that To win a girl. 372 00:21:30,657 --> 00:21:34,594 Fortunately, With my looks, I'll never have to. 373 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,968 I'm going to kill steve. 374 00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:43,736 Yep. He needs to be killed. 375 00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,472 He's dead. 376 00:21:45,538 --> 00:21:49,842 I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. I'm going to kill him. 377 00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:55,448 I think I really Impressed laura tonight. 378 00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,850 Yep. She wants me bad. 379 00:21:59,752 --> 00:22:02,855 Oh, it's a pity I had to hurt myra. 380 00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:04,857 After tonight, She'll never forgive me. 381 00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:13,433 God, I want steve. 382 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,368 I know size Isn't important, 383 00:22:15,435 --> 00:22:18,671 But I bet his brain Is huge. 384 00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:23,410 I don't know what He sees in that laura. 385 00:22:23,476 --> 00:22:26,178 But I swear, I'll never rest 386 00:22:26,245 --> 00:22:28,415 Until I make him mine. 387 00:22:33,886 --> 00:22:36,589 If ivana divorced neil diamond And jack nicklaus 388 00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:38,124 And married ron darling, 389 00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:40,660 She'd be ivana diamond Nicholas darling.